Existential Punk

Chemical Rx

i wrote these streaming thoughts the other day in light of my recent downward spiral into deep depression and hopelessness. Thankfully my new med seems to be helping even me out a bit. i just started my 2nd week of Abilify on Wednesday. Just wanted to capture in words my feelings of what was going on inside of me. i am not out of the woods yet but am not in an scary space anymore. i am THANKFUL to not be in this space and for all my friends who reached out to me during this very dark period. i am forever grateful!

Chemical Rx

Why does it feel like my heart is breaking?

My head is racing, obsessing, culminating.

Darkness, hopelessness, desires of eternal sleep fill my senses.

Nothing anyone says or does assuages this dark shadow looming over me, overpowering me.

Is this real or am i in a nightmare? Am i destined to die young?

Or is it a fucking chemical rx in my brain?

Crying, sobbing, snot everywhere.

It's dark, rainy, windy, dreary and gray, within my soul and outside the house.

(Copyright Adele Sakler 2010, All Rights Reserved)

"Revelation" Through Online Fellowship: i Interview Peter - Conversation 8

Peter says, 'Adele asks me what I think about "online fellowship" - is it legitimate? I think so, and it's going to change the world faster than ever before (that could be bad or wonderful!)'

Coffee Chats Podcast

Travis Mamone, Converse All-Star wearing, punk rock listening, always questioning, book loving, emerging Christian freelance writer, interviewed me today for his Coffee Chats Podcast. i really enjoyed our conversation. Here's the link. Thanks, Travis!

Worship Musings

In deconstructing my faith, becoming agnostic in many of the man-made doctrines of my Christian religion, and tired of trite and rote church services, i have been pondering what worship looks like in a 21st Century, postmodern faith that attempts to live in the way of Jesus. For me it comes down to G-D creating us individually with unique gifts, desires, abilities, likes, dislikes, etc. A tree or flower blooming worhips G-D because they are doing what they were created to do. When a squirrel, as much as i despise and hate them and the messes they create, worship G-D when they scurry around collecting nuts for their winter food. They are doing what they simply know to do. They are being who they were created to be. That's worship to me in a nutshell!

So, when someone like Moby is creating the music he does, that is worship to me. When the guy who owns Temple Fine Coffee and Tea is roasting coffee, giving us all a great place to hang out and drink great coffee and tea, that guy is bringing worship to G-D in my opinion. It doesn't have to be in a specific building with music singing how 'Jesus is my homeboy'!

Worship emanates out of who we are, uniquely created individually. Even these gifts touch others in community and that brings worship to G-D! So, i encourage you to not get stuck in a mindset that worship can only occur in a church in a certain way. Remember the trees of the fields clapped their hands! What's your metaphor? What are your thoughts?

Resurrection = Insurrection

Pete Rollins is interviewed by Spencer Burke for THEOOZE.TV.

Adele & Peter: Queer & Christian: Conversation 7

Peter says, 'Here, Adele shares more of her painful experiences with ex-gay ministries, how she attended Pat Robertson's Regent University (TRULY!), and how these experiences nearly led her to suicide...'

In the next segment, i ask PETER a few questions! So, STAY TUNED! Adele

Adele & Peter: Queer & Christian: Conversation 6: 'Is There Any Gray Here?'

Peter says, 'In this segment, Adele is INCREDIBLY patient and tolerant with me as I dig into possibilities of gray area in a subject that is so deeply personal to her.

Please understand that I would NOT ask these questions in casual conversation with someone who didn't already have some relational foundation with me. It's easy for "outsiders" to try to talk "objectively," and I'm often guilty of that. For oppressed and marginalized people, objectivity is a luxury few can afford.

Adele's willingness to humor me in grappling with such sensitive material is a gift, as I work to reconcile my own relational dynamics with friends on both poles of the theological and social spectrum. I can't overstate the caution and humility in which I want to approach this particular subject matter. Thanks Adele!'

NO, THANK YOU, Peter!

Adele & Peter: Queer & Christian: Conversation 5: 'Claiming To Know Christ...So Unloving...'

Peter says this, 'In this 5th segment of my interview with Adele, she makes some especially poignant remarks that I think you'll appreciate.

When the online attacks from fundamentalist bloggers were at their peak on www.Queermergent.com, Adele thought:

“If I weren’t already Christian, I wouldn’t want to be Christian…

“Who are these people who claim to know Christ and love Christ, but they are so unloving and unkind and ungenerous.'

 

Adele: "I came to peace with God..." - Conversation 4

I think you'll really enjoy my ongoing conversation with Peter...

'Sometimes It's Really Fucking Hard!' Queer & Christian Conversation - Part 3

Ongoing conversation with my friend Peter...