Existential Punk

Starting With Our Weakness - Adele

STARTING WITH OUR WEAKNESS

BY Adele

Who's surprised when I say I have many weaknesses? If we’re really honest and recognize the frailty of our species, we see that all of us walk with deep-seated weaknesses. It’s very difficult to own up to these weaknesses; they darken the doorways of our homo sapien souls.  I have had the privilege (though sometimes scary) of surrounding myself with honest people.  This includes some talented therapists over the years, who have encouraged me to hold up the mirror and brave the process of looking at the woman in that mirror, warts and all.

As Peter and I broach the often-painful and difficult subject of transparency and weakness, there are numerous ways we could approach the topic. As human beings, there are a plethora of things we have to own up to!

* * *

Peter Rollins said:
“…What I really want to do is to enter into dialogs where I can talk about the weakest part of my argument and you can talk about the weakest part of your argument. and [sic] I can accept and celebrate the strongest part of your arguments and visa-versa.”_
_- from a Nick and Josh Podcast interview

* * *

A commenter named “Christ” had this to say on my post: 'Reaching Greedily For The Kool-Aid (www.existentialpunk.com/existential_punk/2009/05/reaching-greedily-for-the-koolaid.html):

‘"I agree that choosing DOGMA over doubt and experiment is like throwing out that ripening vintage and greedily reaching for a cheap and sugarcoated Kool-Aid."
Hitchens' point about "dogma" is a red herring. Christian beliefs are based on evidences, eyewitness testimony, history's siding with Jesus, and much more. It's true that your average Christian doesn't know how to articulate WHY Christianity is objectively credible and valid, but Christianity is nevertheless objectively credible and valid.
"Our lives are not certain in any form."
Is that a certainty?’

I think Christ makes some valid points, and calls me out on a few things.  There is a lot of solid historical evidence for many biblical narratives, particularly for the life of Jesus.  It’s easy to lump solid theological scholarship and even orthodoxy in with “dogma” and (even worse) fundamentalism.  But that’s unfair.  Even liberal scholars like Marcus Borg and Bishop Spong argue for the historicity of Jesus of Nazareth.  It’s not “Kool-Aid” to believe the Jesus of history may well be the Jesus of faith, redemption and even salvation.  Unless we treat it like Kool-Aid, sugar it down, or pretend there is no other wine to be tasted and savored.

Is “our lives are not certain in any form” a certainty?  No.  I’m uncertain about that.  I might be wrong.  There may be absolute certainty.  There may be absolute truth.  I’m uncertain…

For years I ran from who I really was and put up many masks and walls. I found it easier to hide my pain in humor by being the prankster and clown. Sarcasm became my constant bedfellow. Making people laugh, often at their expense, made me feel better about myself, albeit only for a brief time. Sustaining my ego and self-esteem in these dishonest ways was not sustainable or healthy. I finally started the process to really look down deep at why I was unhappy and miserable. I think Michael Jackson's beautiful and poignant song, 'Man in The Mirror' sums up best how I began this long and often painful journey:

"Man In The Mirror"
I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No Home,
Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not Alone?

A Willow Deeply Scarred,
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
They Follow The Pattern Of The Wind, Ya' See
Cause They Got No Place To Be
That's Why I'm Starting With Me
[ http://www.azlyrics.com/ ]

I believe that to begin with our weakness we must admit that our humanity inevitably includes arrogance, pride, ego, defensiveness, selfishness, impatience, emotional neediness, insecurities, quick reactions, low self-esteem, self-hatred, et al. Recognizing that it is scary and painful and brings about gobs of anxieties is part in parcel as well. It’s important to surround ourselves with people who are willing to be open and honest about their own weaknesses and who are grace-filled and honest with us, while at the same time allowing us to be grace-filled and honest with them. This shows us that it is safe to let our guard down. THIS is how I can “enter into dialogs where I can talk about the weakest part of my argument and you can talk about the weakest part of your argument. and [sic] I can accept and celebrate the strongest part of your arguments and visa-versa.” The key here is HUMILITY, and that is often difficult to attain!

I don't often like to be humble. I find it much more interesting to boldly state my opinions, but I’m insecure enough (or honest enough) to know I might be wrong. It’s a Catch 22 situation. I, like Peter said, know that, “I am weak because I have begun to open my hands from the fists they were clenched in.  Those fists were clenched to certainty and “Evangelical orthodoxy.”  By following what I believe to be the Holy Spirit, I am in danger of simply following my heart.  And my heart may be wrong.  And I understand the risk…”

I recognize that I can be angry, impatient, selfish, insecure, arrogant, and overly quick to react in not-so-nice ways. I also react out of hurt, pain and wounding. I find it difficult when people disagree with me, and often my very first response is, 'How dare you question my thoughts, opinions and heart-motivations?' When insecurity rears its ugly head, I am plagued with thoughts that go like this: 'They must think I am stupid or that I am foolish.'  Like Peter so honestly reveals, ' Then it’s insolence: “I’ll SHOW them!”  Then, hopefully, Christ breaks through all of the ego, and I can say: “I am sorry.  I am weak.” '

I have walked a long way since letting go of my black-and-white easy answers, my life of certainty, whether in my Christian walk or in the entirety of my life. I strive to walk more holistically in faith, rather then by thinking/believing what is correct. I want to live more like Christ and err on the side of love and acceptance rather than on being right all of the time. I think feeling like we belong and having a community to stumble through the often-confusing and painful journey we call life (where we can make mistakes without feeling like we will be lambasted) is what I think we as homo sapiens need so badly if we are to truly encounter and be transformed by the Divine.

I'd like to echo what Peter says at the end of his post:

' I have to start this process by telling you all that I am weak.  If I had a better argument, if I had a quicker wit, if I had a PhD, I might be able to convince you otherwise.  Thank God I cannot.  I am weak.'

Peter, I am weak! Thank you for your unending grace and love. Backatcha!

Dive Within Your Limits!

Katryna showed me the following video. It is a disturbing example of the complacency some poorly trained and/or stupid divers can have when diving. They not only jeopardize their own lives, but those who rescue them along with risking traumatizing the entire dive boat. Divers SHOULD ALWAYS DIVE WITHIN THEIR LIMITS! Diving is a safe sport if taken seriously, every precaution and preparation is adhered to, and you listen to the dive master giving the dive briefing. ALSO, ALWAYS CONTINUE TO BREATHE, CHECK YOUR GUAGES CONSTANTLY, AND DO NOT DIVE DEEPER THAN YOU ARE CERTIFIED FOR AT THE TIME OF YOUR DIVE! These two people, one being a 12 year old, could have died and the guy who braved it to rescue them could have gotten the bends.

Starting With Our Weakness: Peter Walker

STARTING WITH OUR WEAKNESS
BY Peter Walker
www.emergingchristian.com/

(CO-OP BLOG POST PART 1)

I have a lot of weaknesses.  It’s amazing how “okay” you can think you are, until the relationships in your lives (like little mirrors) reveal the truth.  I had no idea how selfish, impatient, emotionally needy, insecure and quick-to-react I was until I got married.  For my friends who tried to tell me beforehand: sorry I wasn’t listening.

As Adele and I approach the subject of being transparent about our weaknesses, there are a lot (I mean a lot) of ways we could go and angles we could approach from.  We’re human; there’s a lot to own up to!

* * *

Peter Rollins said:
“…What I really want to do is to enter into dialogs where I can talk about the weakest part of my argument and you can talk about the weakest part of your argument. and I can accept and celebrate the strongest part of your arguments and visa-versa.”_
_- from a Nick and Josh Podcast interview

* * *

An anonymous blog visitor recently commented:

“You want to cherry pick what you want to believe and then mandate we trust our gut feelings for authority. And you really can't see the inconsistent notions you put forth in the midst of all this. But, I guess in a postmodern worldview you don't really have to worry about those little contradictions.”

 

Good timing Anonymous, because that’s just the sort of thing I want to own up to.  For example, 2 Timothy 3:16 says, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,” but I’m not sure I believe that… unless “useful for teaching” can mean showing some Scriptures as bad and even wrong examples of what God isn’t, and of what isn’t true – perhaps of how wrong well-intentioned, God-fearing people can be.  But objectively true and correctly interpreted by the biblical writers?  I don’t buy Paul’s assertion in 1 Timothy 2:15, that “Women will be saved through childbearing,” or that God would randomly strike folks dead for deceit, as in the Acts 5 story of Ananias and Sapphira.   Just as I’m often accused of picking and choosing “convenient” Scriptures to make my point (oft-lamented proof-testing!) it seems a terrible abuse of Scripture to suggest that God really strikes people dead at random, for the sorts of sins all of us are guilty of, regularly.  Shouldn’t we all be covering our heads and ducking low, every day?  Yeah, probably…

So I don’t really believe a coherent, consistent narrative of God can be easily constructed utilizing the entirety of Scripture.  To really do so, we have to extract what resonates as true, and sort of ignore or gloss over the inconvenient texts that don’t fit our theses.  Proof-texting.  I don’t like it.  Neither should you.  And we’re all guilty of it.  To avoid proof-texting to validate our beliefs, we have to go to a different core/foundational source from the Bible.  I would argue, we have to go to a superior source: the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete, the helper sent from God, through Christ, who is God, who is Christ – each equal and co-existent in the Trinity.  The weakness of this belief, is that we cannot prove the truth or validity of the Spirit’s work in us.  I cannot convince you of what the Spirit has told me.  And if I’m really honest, I can’t entirely convince myself.  There will always be that spec of doubt.  This is where faith is a necessity that carries me beyond certainty.  This sort of ambiguity is terrifying for folks who are used to concrete answers.  And I am ideologically and theologically weak, because I am ill equipped to answer many of the questions and protests from those who see such ambiguity and relativism in themselves as weakness, heresy, immaturity, rebelliousness, or foolishness.

I am weak because I have begun to open my hands from the fists they were clenched in.  Those fists were clenched to certainty and “Evangelical orthodoxy.”  By following what I believe to be the Holy Spirit, I am in danger of simply following my heart.  And my heart may be wrong.  And I understand the risk…

As I said before, I am selfish, impatient, emotionally needy, insecure and quick-to-react.  I am also arrogant and sometimes angry.  When people disagree with me, my first gut-response is anger: “How dare you question my opinions!”  Then it’s insecurity: “What if people think I’m a fool?”  Then it’s insolence: “I’ll SHOW them!”  Then, hopefully, Christ breaks through all of the ego, and I can say: “I am sorry.  I am weak.”

I want to grow.  I want to be more like Jesus Christ.  I’m less interested in thinking correctly.  I want to be.  I want my very instincts to be conformed to the selfless goodness, love, peace and faithfulness of Christ.  I have to start this process by telling you all that I am weak.  If I had a better argument, if I had a quicker wit, if I had a PhD, I might be able to convince you otherwise.  Thank God I cannot.  I am weak.  Adele, I am weak. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Peter Walker is an M.Div student at George Fox Seminary & a freelance writer (his day job is finance). He is a contributing writer in several books: Out of the OOZE through NavPress, & Church of the Perfect Storm through Abingdon Press.  He lives in the Portland area with his wife Jen a theological student at GFS.

Starting With Our WEAKNESS. . .

My good friend Peter (www.emergingchristian.com) and i are beginning a cooperative blog series of posts writing about what it means to argue from a position of weakness. We resonated deeply with and were inspired from my dear friend, author/thinker/lecturer/philosopher, Pete Rollins:

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What we tend to do is… whenever we are in an argument I will argue from the place of strength, the strongest part of my argument, and direct is at the weakest part of your argument. And you will in turn take the strongest part of your argument and attack the weakest part of my argument. And what I really want to do is to enter into dialogs where I can talk about the weakest part of my argument and you can talk about the weakest part of your argument. and I can accept and celebrate the strongest part of your arguments and visa-versa.

Peter Rollins, from a Nick and Josh Podcast Interview

_____________________________________________________

i think Rollins hits the nail on the head. We like to hammer people with our insights, revelations, and opinions without really listening to the other person(s) even though we say we are listening. Thus, we end up being narcissistically focused on our own strengths and relish in the weaknesses of others we are in conversation/dialogue with at the moment. i agree with Peter when he says, 'This is probably less about egotism, and more about the brokenness and insecurity of most people. We protect “our weak” by overemphasizing “our strong.” And in doing so, we’re not being entirely honest, are we?' That is what narcissism is, being broken and insecure, which as imperfect human beings, is a big part of our DNA.

i am like Peter and definitely have weaknesses built into me. i tire of inauthenticity and hiding, even though at times that is easier and are masks i will put on to protect myself. Yet, because i am tired of hiding my weaknesses, i'd like to share them with you. As Peter says, 'This demands a difficult level of vulnerability and transparency. It means you’ll have an opportunity to attack where I’m least “defended.'" ' So, we have decided to take the leap and reveal and share our weaknesses with you for the sake of open dialogue/conversation.

i quote what Peter says so eloquently:

'In turn, you have strengths that may frustrate me, confound me, or directly refute something about my beliefs! But they are strengths, nonetheless. And by ignoring or underestimating them, I don’t just weaken my particular “position” (we must get beyond these adversarial identifiers) but I also underestimate and even undervalue your worth, and the complexity of your experiences that have led you to where you are.'

Over the next couple of weeks, Peter and i will be co-op blogging on our own weaknesses, on the strengths we find in opposing DIFFERING viewpoints and belief systems, and we will be reflecting on why this is such a radically different way of dialoguing!

YOU are invited to join us at either...

* www.ExistentialPunk.com OR
* www.EmergingChristian.com

My First Official Ocean Dive Trip!

It's official, we have FINALLY booked our dive trip with Ocean Divers in Key Largo, Florida! Katryna dived with them last August with her underwater photography class with Stephen Frink and really enjoyed diving with them. i went out one day to snorkle and had an enjoyable day despite getting a fish hickey on my left knee from a chub fish who mistook me for some fish food! This is my official 40th Birthday gift from my beautiful and awesome wife! Thanks, honey!

We will be heading out to drive down to Key West first for a couple of days on July 16th, where we will be staying for two nights at Pearls Rainbow, a resort for women! We head to Key LArgo on Sunday, July 19th and begin diving in Key Largo July 20th - 24th. FIVE DAYS OF GLORIOUS DIVING! WOO HOO!!! i am REALLY stoked!

Here is some info about the Florida Keys i just learned today, thanks to Ocean Divers:

WHAT IS A KEY?

'A "key" is an island where there is no natural source of fresh water.

 The Florida Keys are "islands" formed by ancient coral reefs. At one time, all of what is now Florida was beneath the surface of the ocean. During that time, massive coral reefs were formed. As the water level on the whole planet subsided, the tops of these reefs were no longer covered by water. Over time, sediment, seeds deposited by birds, and "nature"  produced the tropical paradise of the Florida Keys.'

IMPORTANT Lyme Disease Legislation Introduced

'Sen. Christopher Dodd (D-CT), a senior member of the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee and Chairman of its Subcommittee on Children and Families, along with Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME), have introduced the Lyme and Tick-Borne Disease Prevention, Education, and Research Act of 2009. The bill is co-sponsored by Sen. Jack Reed (D-RI), Sen. Joe Lieberman (ID-CT), Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI), and Sen. Benjamin Cardin (D-MD).'

READ THE REST OF THE ARTICLE HERE.

PLEASE PHONE YOUR CONGRESS PEOPLE AND INSIST THAT THEY SUPPORT THIS VERY IMPORTANT LEGISLATION FOR ALL OF US LYME DISEASE & OTHER TICK-BORNE DISEASES SUFFERERS! LYME DISEASE IS AT EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS, WORSE THAN HIV/AIDS! PLEASE TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS LEGISLATION! THANK YOU! As someone who suffers daily with this HORRIBLE and GHASTLY disease that has wreaked havoc on my entire being, PLEASE help me and all the others who suffer mercilessly with this disease that is HELL ON EARTH!

The Simultaneity Of Deconstruction & Re/Construction

Wikipedia has the following to say about deconstruction:

'...an approach (whether in philosophy, literary analysis, or in other fields) which rigorously pursues the meaning of a text to the point of undoing the oppositions on which it is apparently founded, and to the point of showing that those foundations are irreducibly complex, unstable or impossible.

Deconstruction generally operates by conducting close textual readings with a view to demonstrating that the text is not a discrete whole but that it instead contains several irreconcilable, contradictory meanings. This process shows that any text has more than one interpretation; that the text itself links these interpretations inextricably; that the incompatibility of these interpretations is irreducible; and thus that interpretative reading cannot go beyond a certain point...'

Many Christians, in my opinion, even within emerging church circles, misunderstand what deconstructing our faith really entails. Often they say it is time to stop deconstructing and that it's time to move on to reconstruct and rebuild what has been deconstructed. Then there are those Christians who believe deconstructing and reconstructing becomes an exercise in relativism and creating the scriptures and G-D in our own image. i do not claim to fully understand deconstruction in the Deriddean philosophical vein, but Pete Rollins crystallizes deconstruction so clearly in the emerging church construct for me (HT: Jonathan Brink):

'A lot of people talk about deconstruction like this.They say, “Well we’ve got to deconstruct and then once we’ve deconstructed, we can rebuild.”

And I want to stop at that point and say, “No.  We never cease to deconstruct.  Deconstruction is not like knocking down a building so we can clear a space to build something new.  Deconstruction is like the heat that keeps our ideas fluid and molten and moving and dynamic.” '

For me, deconstruction and re/construction are a simultaneous process that need each other. We must constantly question, rethink, seek, search, doubt, dig, knock, push, tear, rupture, deconstruct, reconstruct. We must also allow the Divine to invade, rupture, embrace, invade, transform, deconstruct, reconstruct us in ways we might expect but also in unexpected ways that are beyond our human imaginings. We are imperfect humans who can never claim to fully comprehend and understand the Divine. We, as people of faith, MUST and NEED to make room for the Divine to invade us without our preconceived notions. There can never be any human being who can claim absolute knowledge of everything about this life and the Divine. i don't care how knowledgeable, studied, gifted, et al any of us are, we are still fallible, imperfect humans who always screw up and get it wrong. No amount of knowledge, theology, Biblical literacy, intuition, etc. can outdo what G-D designs to accomplish. G-D is a relational Divinity that is not stagnant and stuck in a certain epoch.

i am mesmerized and humbled when Rollins boldly says that, 'I do not believe Christians are called to believe in the resurrection of Christ.  I believe we are called to be the resurrection of Christ.  To be the site where resurrection takes place.' That statement is amazing and has such deep implications for our faith. Take time to mull on those 33 words and allow them to really sink down into your being, your soul! This is deep stuff people.

We get so wrapped up in what we believe and don't believe so much that we are failing to really listen to the indwelling of the Divine and the radical transformation that the Divine desires to bring forth and rupture in our souls. We get in this us vs. them mentalities, argue over who has the right/correct beliefs, who is in and who is out. So often we are all so very ungenerous, whether conservative, liberal or in the middle. i know i am very guilty of this and for that i am truly sorry. My pride and hurt feelings get the best of me more often than not. i truly want to be a site where Christ's resurrection takes place. i am human and will fail often. At least i acknowledge my weaknesses and human frailties although it is very difficult and humbling. Sometimes i don't care that i fuck up and treat people ungenerously. That is one of the many dark parts of my soul where i need the Divine to rupture and transform me. Even in my unwillingness i need G-D to embrace me, transform me, deconstruct and reconstruct me.

These are merely my musings, thoughts, rants. Maybe i am wrong or just maybe i am on to something. Either way, i hope i challenge you, dear readers, to chew and ponder. i am not attempting to sway you to my way of thinking, lead you astray, or change your minds. This is simply my space to throw out what is ruminating in my soul and my being. i am just trying to make some sense of my feelings, thoughts and meanderings inside my little ol' mind! If you are here reading this and find yourself vehemently disagreeing with me, i am ok with that. Even if i am way off track, i trust the Divine G-D of the universe will gently nudge me back on track. That is how i have always lived and walked with G-D, and so far G-D has been the faithful one!

What do you think?

Bipartisanshit!

OK, so i am just one voter in this great country and my opinions and thoughts are my own, though i know that some out there share those with me. i do applaud President Obama working to bridge gaps, build coalitions and work towards bipartisanship. YET, when the GOP, now known as the Party of NO, works consistently against you and your agenda, not meeting you halfway, thus bringing gridlock in which nothing gets done, it is time to get a spine. The majority of the nation elected Obama and the democrats because they want a progressive agenda - Everyone gets healthcare coverage, healthcare is reformed, Wall Street needs to be MAJORLY reigned in and Mainstreet gets the help they need, and an effective energy plan where we work to getting off our addiction to oil, which will aid our environmental issues and security. AND don't even get me started on Obama's campaign promises of getting rid of the antiquated DADT and DOMA. If the Civil Rights Movement waited until they had a consensus we may still not see African Americans having many rights today and Obama may not have even been able to run for president. So, come on, get off this BIPARTISANSHIT, President Obama and Democrats. If YOU don't find a spine and quit backing down and giving in to special interest groups and the Party of NO, then in 2010 at the midterm elections, people will vote YOU out. i am glad i am an Independent because BOTH parties drive me crazy. If i don't start seeing some REAL CHANGE, i am voting third party next time. DO WHAT THE PEOPLE WHO ELECTED YOU WANT YOU TO DO! YOU HAVE A FUCKING MANDATE, SO BE LIKE NIKE AND JUST DO IT! BE WARNED, DEMOCRATS, GET SOME BALLS AND A SPINE!