About a half hour ago i received an email from Emergent Village about the suicide last Friday Saturday of fellow Tweep Gideon Addington aka @gideony. i spoke with him a little bit on Twitter, but really did not know him all that well. What i do know about him was that he was an inspiration to many who knew him. About a month ago, he wrote a prayer and it shows he was really struggling and in a lot of pain. i don't know the details of why he was in so much pain but where i am now in my life i can certainly relate to his anguish. i don't know if Gideon lived alone or with people. i don't know if Gideon reached out to his friends that he might have been suicidal. i have been suicidal in my past and my attempt at taking my life was a cry for help. Was his prayer a cry for help or did he just despair too terribly much that he didn't give a fucking rat's ass anymore. Gideon, i am saddened by your loss and that i didn't get to know you better. i hope you have found the peace you never found while you roamed this earth. i am reeling from this news so i can only imagine what those who knew Gideon better are going through and experiencing. G-D, please help family and friends of Gideon in their time of mourning. G-D have mercy on us all.
Here is Gideon's telling prayer and i echo it tonight G-D:
Lord, deliver me from my despair.
Give me strength that I might continue to fight.
I am tired, I am lonely and I feel I am alone among the mad.
I know I am not alone but my heart breaks.
Help me, save me… I try so hard, yet I know I should try harder and that there is much I could do but do not…
Have mercy on me, help me be a better instrument, a better servant and a better healer for those that come before me.
Save me from pride, from arrogance, and help me remember that I am broken among the broken.
Give me wisdom to discern what I can and cannot do, and what I must walk to and away from.
Lord, save me.
Amen.
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