A little over two years ago i was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 Disorder. i had already struggled with regular depression most of my life and had been on and off numerous antidepressants throughout my adult life. i have had ups and downs and have been suicidal before, even spending some time in psychiatric hospitals for deep depression and suicidal thoughts.
My doctor this last time, after her diagnosis, prescribed the mood stabilizer Abilify. i was on it for two years and doing relatively well when i started getting increasing leg shakes, to the point where i had to put on the cruise control to drive. This was JUST this past January. SO, she took me immediately off of the Abilify and after a few weeks, the shaking dissipated completely. BUT, the darkness and dankness of dread, hopelessness and deep depression winnowed their way into the pit of my soul. She then prescribed Lamictal and it caused me to break out in horrible itching fits all over my body. She then recommended Depakote, but said there was a chance of weight gain and i said HELL NO since i struggled with my weight my entire life. So, we tried an different drug, but it proved to be too weak and i had to make the decision to remain deeply depressed or risk weight gain and give the Depakote a try. With Depakote comes a blood test once every 6 months, i believe. So, far, no noticeable increase in my appetite and no weight gain, YET! i am HOPEFUL!
DEPRESSION SUCKS! 3 STRAIGHT MONTHS of it tore me apart and was so very debilitating. i am very grateful for Katryna's love and support, and for the love and support of my friends, therapist and psychaitrist. Also, i was able to express my doldrums in poetry. i am currently on 3 Depakote pills and feeling so much better! i still have a low-grade depression and very low energy that comes with the Lyme Disease. But, i am more hopeful now.
i wrote the following poem yesterday in my poetry class:
driving through my veins
pounding chemicals rushing
around, bringing me to my
knees, in darkness and despair,
onto an upward swing, the depakote
elevating somber and debilitaing moods.
Copyright 2012 by Adele L. Sakler
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED